The Wuni Student. A hybrid breed of stingeyness. "A must read if you are a tightass uni student" -The Federal Government

I wrote a couple of nilliads ago (days in Portuguese – you should learn a second language – men think it to be very sophisticated) about the author of this blog (Matt Damon) refusing to pay $200 for an in-house doctor at the Marriott and instead opting to walk 100 km (huge exaggo, man) in the pouring rain on a freezing Friday night in Sydney with a throat infection and sinusitis. You didn’t read it? Haha! Of course you read it. But that was a funny joke.. I like your style amigo. You can read it again, here. The critics described that blog post as “an imperfect and mildly funny attempt at blogging” and they said “learn to spell check, waffleface” (because I have a waffly writing style. I’m sure they didn’t mean it as an insult).

The Romantic Weekend Away – Is it just a Fallacy?

Is it just me, or is the idea that an entire weekend away with someone can actually be romantic a complete load of horesh*t? May I elaborate? Why thank you.

It is Friday night....

A friend of mine is dating a guy who wears tinted moisturiser and I am still deciding how I feel about it (hopefully I will have decided by the end of this post so that I can share it with you!)…

It all depends how you look at it I guess (kind of like walnuts – sort of – actually no, not at all like walnuts). I think there is a huge part of me that thinks it is a really good idea (the very same part of me that is addicted to strawberry clouds and fake tan). Especially because tinted moisturisers almost always have heaps of sunscreen in them. Which as we all know, is great to keep away mozzies. Oh wait, that is Rid. I mean it is great to keep away UV rays. God, I always get those two mixed up. Keeps away UV rays.

Dishing Out Unwanted Relationship Advice - Attempt #2: How to be everyone’s best friend in the toilet queue.

This blog is a bit like a sexually confused adolescent boy trying to find itself – this morning I woke up and decided to write a legal anecdote from my job, then by the time I bought my morning coffee I decided to write a beauty product review on my new cheek and lip tint (Benefit PosieTint – amazing - makes you look like an adorable English Rose), and then after hours of trying to decide I realised that the truth is that I, like my blog, am a sexually-confused teenage boy. Ha! I can assure you that is not the case, I’ve known that I like males for yonkers!

The Secret Diary of a Call Girl with a Broken Right Thumb – "This decades Kafka"

Sounds like it would be a good TV show doesn’t it? I think the leading lady’s name would be Geneva and she would seduce successful and affluent men back to her boudoir. And once there, they would eat Gouda cheese and drink Singapore sling’s and her audience would watch on in fascination (and horror) as she achieved incredible sexual feats with nothing but her mouth and her broken thumb. God Jeano. Stop blogging your finest material. That is gold. ("is this chick serious? where does she get this rubbish from?")

Thank you to all my fans who have written in seeking relationship advice. My first question comes from Amber in Ballarat who wants to know "what should I wear on a first date?"

Are you kidding me? Did you seriously think I had fans? You're crazy man... I've been writing this blog for one week. I'm no wizard. Or am I? Nope, I'm definitely not. Glad we cleared that up.

The Deterioration of the Female Body During Winter. "A blog post like no other" - The Sydney Morning Herald

There are two things the female body hates:

• Midriff tops
• And Winter

Midriff Tops.

I am inclined to talk pretty briefly about this first one out of fear that it is too obvious a topic to even go into much detail about. As they often say about climate change, it's not a political issue - it's a humanitarian issue. Asking a woman if she wants to show her stomach to the general public is like asking a grandma if she would prefer to play canasta or go try on Jen Hawkins new lingerie line at Myer. A no brainer really. Everyone looks good in lingerie..even grandmas.

How much are you supposed to enjoy your job? (Hint: Prefer to eat poisonous mushrooms than get out of bed in the morning? Probably not enough).

That is crazy... you would prefer to eat poisonous mushrooms than go to work? Where did you get such a whacked out idea man? Just have a sick day like everyone else. (Fake cough).

Problems I wouldn't mind diverting to East Timor

I like Julia Gillard's thinking. Seriously. As if we all don't have problemo's that could benefit from being stored on a South East Asian island while we figured out a way to deal with them.

Who doesn't love a good trenchcoat in Winter?

When I was a full-time uni student*, I used to see women in the city wearing beautiful trenchcoats and carrying their take-away coffees and rushing off to work looking so perfect and busy, and I always thought they were doing it to look sophisticated and protentious.

I just think traditional Italian style pizzas taste better, ok.

I always quiver with disdain when I hear a friend who used to have her own brain say "oh, WE love that restaurant" or "oh, WE didn't like that movie".

I am obsessed with Diane Kruger!

She is so dreamy and I think that if we were friends she would teach me lots of new hairstyles and how to force your boyfriend to wear a cravat to a party (this is almost impossible I think).

If only I was about 97% edgier.

Today I stumbled across a brilliant website that sells fascinators! Fascinators..with tiny deers on top of them! There are even some - where the little deer matches its outfit to the fascinator. Cute! http://www.prettygoodthings.bigcartel.com/products