A Celebration of Girl Hotness (minus party pies and balloons, sorry)

I have a friend, (and no, that isn’t the actual story). And she always, always, always describes females we may or may not be staring at (judging) while we discreetly sip on delicious, frothy, caffeinated milk drinks as one of two different kinds of hotness. “Guy Hot” or “Girl Hot”.
And it suits me very nicely, because I like to compartmentalise people into small pigeon-sized holes. Some people like to call it a stereotype, to which I respond 'fair enough'.  

My friend will often describe a very pretty girl as “Guy Hot”. You know the type of girl I am talking about – undeniably attractive (but even moreso to the male species), but in that ‘maybe just a bit too much make up’, or cleavage, or pouting for the camera kind of way. The kind of girl whom if you critique (insult), it sounds and comes off to others, a little like jealousy (maybe it is, who can tell?). Perfect example. Lara Bingle (you will never know if I have jealousy for Lara Bingle, so why bother talking about it?).

And who's to know if I picked the picture that best summarised my argument? Who's to know?

But if my friend labels you as ‘girl hot’ – well, sister, you are on the money. Because as every girl knows, its much easier to look ‘guy hot’ than ‘girl hot’. Oh, you didn't know that?

Because being girl hot means that other girls find you to be attractive – the harshest of critics. Maybe even harsher in fact, than my Clinique toner which I once spilt on a purple towel and turned it white. True story.

Being Girl Hot means having super, healthy, hydrated skin. Well-shaped eyebrows minus browarexia (a debilitating disorder common in girls who grew up in a small town where you are actually raised to think twig brows are fashionable) (fact: males never notice eyebrows unless they are ridiculously thick and juicy, in which case – you are ‘girl hot’ – congratulations). And nice, silky, shiny hair. And wearing clothes that don’t show too much skin, but make your silhouette look lovely. And having unchipped nail polish, and bright, clear eyes. And white shiny teeth. Oh, god. Who is this girl, and how can we destroy her? Let’s hatch a plan to put her in the back of my car on her birthday and sticky tape a gobstopper in her mouth which she may or may not choke on. Nobody else has seen Jawbreaker (best teen movie of the 1990’s)? Alright, moving on…

Have you seen Hermione’s new haircut? I found the picture at holymoly.com. So poignant.

Holymoly.com

I have a feeling 99.9% of males would say that they liked it better long. I’m not even sure if I like it, maybe I’ve been so brain-washed by thinking it’s better to be guy-hot because like, that’s how you get a boyfriend and stuff. Oh, dear. My mother would be so disappointed.

But it reminded me of Mia Farrow’s cut in the 1960’s. Here is a photo of her on her wedding day to Frank Sinatra.

And I just though, oh shucks, isn’t she just the poster girl for not really caring if males dig it or not? Ie. Rocking a boy cut on your wedding day. Apparently Frank Sinatra hated it. Doesn’t she just glow?

She’s all eyes, and smile, and ‘whatever if my hair is shorter than my husband’s, I’ve got the neck to pull it off”.

He served her with divorce papers two years later. It might not say much for being Girl Hot if you want to keep a straight-laced man. But I think it says oodles for being Awesome.