*And yes, I may have plagarised this title from the Chicken Soup book. Oh, you haven't read it? Well you could send me $35.00 and I would probably write an equally useless set of sentences that resembles the following....
What does a weekend bender in Melbourne do when you arrive back to your actual life on a Monday morning? Makes you realise you are a seriously uncommitted blogger and a completely ridiculous employee with the work ethic of an untrained guinea pig. That’s what. Or maybe I wore the letters down on my keyboard writing so many important things today, I guess you will never know. Or maybe I didn’t achieve anything more than staring at my fingernails wishing I had some nail polish remover, a Powerade and eye drops for my itchy retinas. So do they email to let you know you are employee of the month? Or am I supposed to nominate myself?
Kudos to you Melbourne. With your delicious coffees and brilliant hangover breakfasts. And your crusty, and yet slightly too hard to cut rye toast which I will forgive you for, because it tastes disgracefully amazing and becomes much more manageable once a soft poached egg leaks all over it. And kudos for your “yes come inside, it is very warm in here” bars where I of course graciously did just that, and displayed to several hundred Melbourne girls how shocking I am at packing for a freezing climate.
“Very shocking,” is what they would have said, if they weren’t so busy looking chic and cultured, and not smiling very much at all to be honest, (which I do take issue with as a matter of fact). Perhaps they all have stained teeth from too much phenomenal coffee. I would sympathize if that were the case. But if it is only because they have an issue with young women from Queensland who may have drank a little bit too much cider and continued to stand on their toes on the dance floor, I would say “fair call” to that also.
Girl’s weekends away are definitely good for the soul. (too philosophical? I do that sometimes)..
If for no other reason than to remind oneself that laughing is utterly essential, and delightfully pointless. What an oxymoron. And maybe even to remind you that sometimes working full-time is not about “staring at your nailpolish” or even “dreaming of drinking a Powerade”, but rather about having enough cash to burn on a round of champagne for your friends. Or even wasting $4.60 on a takeaway coffee you chose not to drink, which you actually only purchased so that you could have a valid reason to sprint into the café’s toilet, and then ran away after you pee’d because you didn’t really want the coffee at all. Pfft. Who would do that? That is ridiculous. (Why did I ask for a caramel shot in it? Such an unnecessary expense.)
It’s especially delightful to see friends you haven’t seen in a while. To witness the way their life is changing and taking them in new directions. To see their change in fashion sense, and career path and in the male species. You can laugh at the fact they only wear black these days, and they can laugh at your newly-tinted eyebrows which are suspiciously dark. The first one is way more embarrassing (obviously). Who would leave the house wearing black? Not I.
And while we all watch in pain and terror as all of our friends succumb to the dark haze of “I have a boyfriend and therefore don’t need to see my friends anymore (except when they force me)”, wondering whether they will ever resurface, (what me? Pfft. Doubt it), it is refreshingly pleasant to be reminded of certain truths that others in your life will neglect from telling you:
• Yes, there is a reason you shouldn’t buy ballet flats from Rubi – foot odour. How could I just have found this out? What other body odours are people concealing from me?
• Yes, there is a reason you struggle to save money – stopping outside every hair salon and saying ‘who wants to get a wash and blow dry?’ eats into a bank account faster than my cat Pippy dives into a bowl of Fancy Feast at 6 am in the morning.
• You need to give your eyebrows a scrub after getting them tinted.
I shall finish this incredible blog post which lacks an obvious central them with a Life Tip....
Life Tip for the Week (or year, depending on how often I choose to do this): There is a reason you should avoid a weekend bender in Melbourne – so that when your boss asks you to peel her boiled eggs on Monday morning for her lunch, you don’t get the shakes so much that the undercooked egg breaks and leaks down the sink and onto your trembling hands, resulting in you having to walk into her office, dripping egg from hands onto carpet – telling her with head tilted down that she will only be eating one egg on bread for lunch. Sigh.
Warmest Regards,
Employee of the Month.
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