It all depends how you look at it I guess (kind of like walnuts – sort of – actually no, not at all like walnuts). I think there is a huge part of me that thinks it is a really good idea (the very same part of me that is addicted to strawberry clouds and fake tan). Especially because tinted moisturisers almost always have heaps of sunscreen in them. Which as we all know, is great to keep away mozzies. Oh wait, that is Rid. I mean it is great to keep away UV rays. God, I always get those two mixed up. Keeps away UV rays.
Women apply sunscreen in their face creams everyday – do guys? I don’t know. None of the 14 I am dating do, and I stand next to them in the bathroom and watch them all apply their foundation and mascara every morning. What a creepy joke that was. I’m kidding! I only have four boyfriends (one is Cristiano Ronaldo) – and he only wears Mineral Foundation.
Where was I? Oh yes… walnuts. The thing is, if he is wearing tinted moisturiser because he likes wearing a sunscreen everyday to work that a) doesn’t actually smell like sunscreen and therefore won’t interfere with his Armani cologne and b) doesn’t want a shiny sunscreened face… I say kudos to him! After all, as the government TV commercials love to remind us - 5492734 Australians are diagnosed with sun cancer and the bubonic plague every .5 of a millisecond (does anyone read this blog?) (“I do” says Jean).
And I guess it is a brilliant idea for men like professional cricketers for eggsample who for far too long have been painting their faces white with zinc when they could just be painting it skin-coloured and looking what I call ‘awesome’ instead of just plain old zinced-up.
Not to mention the fact that tinted moisturisers have oodles of moisturiser (der) in them. Nobody likes old dry-skinned Crusty Rusty walking around our streets at night, breaking into cars and yelling at small children and what-not.
Not to mention the fact that tinted moisturisers have oodles of moisturiser (der) in them. Nobody likes old dry-skinned Crusty Rusty walking around our streets at night, breaking into cars and yelling at small children and what-not.
But then again, as all females with a heartbeat (and even those who are sadly hooked up to heart-lung machines with artificial heartbeats) know, half of a tinted moisturiser is just plain old foundation (or as my mum likes to call it 'her liquid face'). How do I feel about a straight man wearing foundation?
I just sighed when I re-read that sentence which isn’t a good sign.
First of all, most of my 14 boyfriends have better skin than me to start with. Don’t ask me why. They just have a natural glow that women (ie me) don't. It probably has something to do with the fact they don’t wear 8 layers of make-up to work each day and they don’t use fake tan for the face every 5 or 6 minutes. I think if guys started wearing tinted moisturiser it would give them an unfair advantage. Like Usain Bolt running in the Paralympic sack race without a sack, for example. No offence to paralympians – you guys can wear whatever tinted moisturisers you please and I will take no issue with it.
And also, this particular guy wears Ella Bache tinted moisturiser. “Hmmm” I hear my avid readers saying. “That does throw a spanner in the works”. Because, lets face it, there is a certain amount of vanity (about 1.5 kg to be exact) involved in buying anything from Ella Bache that doesn’t come from walking through the Coles beauty aisle. And at $40 a popstar, it’s not cheap. But do you know what? It seriously looks amazing on him. He kind of has that "you've done something amazing to your face but I can't tell what it is" glow. Sort of like a pregant woman. But obviously ToTo different. Here is a pixilated version of it (the real thing isn't pixilated and it is much more 4-dimensional I swear):
Whatever happened to the days when the only thing guys knew how to do with their looks was that ridiculous wet-gelled hair with the surfs up flick at the front? They are just making us look bad now! In "Jean's Utopian World" - (not to be confused with Dinotopia -my fave books in Grade 4) fake tan would never streak, there would be no such thing as morning breath (night and day breath is totally fine) - I encourage it) and all men would look perfect, but slightly less perfect than women so as not to make us feel hideatous.
Ok, I'm going to put on my Bonds Sloppy Joes and watch Masterchef (oops, I mean the election debate) (try and sound smart in blog posts Jean!) (Sorry, brain).
Ciao xx
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