The Wuni Student. A hybrid breed of stingeyness. "A must read if you are a tightass uni student" -The Federal Government

I wrote a couple of nilliads ago (days in Portuguese – you should learn a second language – men think it to be very sophisticated) about the author of this blog (Matt Damon) refusing to pay $200 for an in-house doctor at the Marriott and instead opting to walk 100 km (huge exaggo, man) in the pouring rain on a freezing Friday night in Sydney with a throat infection and sinusitis. You didn’t read it? Haha! Of course you read it. But that was a funny joke.. I like your style amigo. You can read it again, here. The critics described that blog post as “an imperfect and mildly funny attempt at blogging” and they said “learn to spell check, waffleface” (because I have a waffly writing style. I’m sure they didn’t mean it as an insult).

 In regards to being a university student. Some of my older readers will probably not remember what it was like to be a uni student. Other than perhaps the nostalgia that comes with the faint smell of kebabs, dirty laundry and clothes never fitting. And the memory of washing your underwear in a tinea-ridden shower to save $1.50. Oh wait, was that just me? Ew, I’m kidding! I would never do that!

Is it disgraceful that I still want to eat this?

I can remember telling my friends if I splurged on a new shower gel at Coles. And the most tragic part is, I was actually so poor I assumed that they would be mildly interested.

“Smell this you guys… its coconut and honey, it’s by Palmolive”.

“Is that your underwear hanging on your shower door? It smells like a kebab in here.”

Fuck Clinique. This is where its at.
Sidenote: I really struggle to incorporate pictures into these blog posts. I think my hilarious writing should be enough. But I find other blogs I read have heaps of pictures so I guess I will soldier on.

Nowadays, I am a classy and washing machine using (sometimes) Wuni Student; a term I coined myself (hold applause please). A working full-time, uni student. I have found that I spend and stinge my money sporadically depending on whether I decide on any particular day to wear my working girl hat (sequinned and studded cowgirl hat with a red feather poking out the top) or my uni student hat (turban) – with my spending habits occasionally leading to social embarrassment and contagious rashes (the rashes part was a joke and a lie, a loke? I’ll stop joining words….right…. now! Row? HAHA! HAHA!)

Now that I am a billionaire from all this working I have been doing (I’m kidding I’m actually only a millionaire but I pay $500,000 a week rent so it all evens out), I spend like a full-time worker on some items and stinge like a uni student on others. I am a hybrid of the most unique kind.

Things I spend ridiculous amounts of money on without a second thought

1. Hair products – shine serums, shine sprays, root lift sprays, goldfish food, root lift serums, moisture treatments…. You get the point.

2. Make up – bronzers, chest hair wax, highlighters, concealers, moisturisers, exfoliators, serums, burnt toast, primers, illuminators etc etc.

3. Thai Takeaway

4. Strawberry Clouds from the 7/11 for morning tea/ lunch at work

5. Handbags and shoes

6. Firearms

7. Fake tan.

Things I refuse to spend money on unless I absolutely have to. Like absolutely have to.

1. Petrol – I try and always keep it beneath the $20 line. Makes the car lighter and more aerodynamic. Gosh, don’t you watch Top Gear you tutti-frutti?

2. Medical bills – see previous blog post or the first paragraph of this one if you happen to be a narcissist who reads blogs from half way down the page. Shame on you and all of your extended family.

3. Meat at the grocery store – I find it to be hideously expensive and have replaced all red meat in recipes with mushed up kidney beans – delicious.

4. Stockings – I only use the multi-packs from Woolworth’s which look and feel like I am wearing an extra layer of dead skin cells – deeelicious.

Anyway, I’m beginning to wonder whether I will ever leave my uni student spending habits behind. Perhaps I will make guests get down on one knee while I siphon goon into their mouths at my first child’s communion after party. Haha!!! I’m kidding! I would never make small children play drinking games. They would almost definitely stain the carpet.

But on the other hand, a friend of mine just went on a 10 day trip to New Zealand to go skiing and I nearly spat my sparkling rosé on her freckly face when she told me she only had $1000 spending money for the whole trip. "That wont be enough cash!!!" I squealed, dreaming of all the shopping and day spas and delicious rosé she could be drinking. "What have I become?" I thought to myself. "I'm a monster!" is what I didn't think to myself - but I do love that line in Shrek.

So you see what I mean? I am a hybrid. Of the most unique kind. But now that I am getting paid to write this blog the financial situation is easing. HAHA! OMFG! The only person who pays me to write this is myself – in strawberry clouds. And I am sending myself broke/ have a very red tongue.

 

Ciao fellow Wuni’s! See you at the pub for maybe one jug if we are feeling generous with our new, overpriced Mimco handbags! xx